I'm working on it

I've been thinking a lot lately about the way people present themselves - about how much of people is there authentic self - and about how much of them is something that they have consciously chosen to put out into the universe - basically I've been thinking about how fake is to fake and why any of us even bother

The thing is I know that everyone does this type of things, to a certain extent - we all dress a certain way in different social situations, we all speck a certain way around certain people, and we all act in a way that we think is our most flattering - again we all do this to a certain degree - i know i definitely do this - I would like to think that I only do this because some things just aren't suitable in certain arenas - which is true - but the other reason I'm assuming i do this is hard to pinpoint - i know that i don't like that anyone does or that i do it - this so what is it then?

I always tend to come back to the same conclusion on many issues - that being socialization - i think we do it because everyone does it - its human nature ok so while i do believe this is probably the reason we all do it i refuse to leave it at that - constantly processing the best way to portray yourself is no way for people to move through the world

lI've been making short term goals for myself lately and it seems to really be working for me - I've just been focusing on a small part of myself that i think needs some work - when i feel myself slipping into that one old habit i make a conscious effort to counteract it at that moment - i don't try to improve everything about myself all at once - i have a lot of flaws, its a proses but i feel very gratified with the small changes that i notice so I've decided that this will be one of my new focuses - simply to be more authentic - mainly because i think it is so important for people to get to know each other - really get to know each other - i think one of the most important things is the world is to have strong human relationships and i don't see how we can truly do this if we are only seeing the parts of people that they think they want us to see - if that makes sense - i do desperately want all spectrum of relationships with people and i want them to be real - so that's what I'll be working on for myself

sounds simple enough

I just appreciate so much when people show me themselves - I realize how difficult a venture that is for anyone but I'm never going to stop giving those people a lot of credit - i see it - sometimes things get a bit blurry for me but when i take a step back from everything else, one of my favorite things about myself is that 'i can see it' in people - that makes me really happy

landmark birthdays - get you everytime

wow so it turns out this is just like my journal - i'll have to do a better job since i'm 25 today

25 'a dark day' as my sister steph said it was for her as well - could not agree more - guess i should start taking life a bit more seriously - starting with this blog

i'm sure i'll have alot more to say after the move to whistler - it will be a good way to keep people updated anyways - maybe people will stop bugging me to talk on the phone if they have some written info - fingers crossed

time to put my 25 year old ass to bed - shit that doesnt seem right at all

I wonder if this will be like my journal that I never write in

I don’t fancy myself hip enough to blog because I use words like ‘hip’ and I’m 23 – but I’m going to jump on the bandwagon anyways simply because writing things down for know one to read seems a bit silly

First I need to apologize for my lack of writing skill – I don’t understand grammar – It just never seemed to sink in for me – So I’m very sorry but I write the same way I talk

I just decided to try something new – just to write – I think it may help me sort some thing out in my mind and in my life possibly – for whatever reason, lately I’ve really been lacking in any sort of dialog with myself – I think its become a bit problematic - its been a long time actually, since I’ve attempted to really question - like REALLY question things about myself, about the world, about human nature ext.… because frankly sometimes its seems easier to move through the world without doing that – that isn’t to say that I don’t question at all – I do – somehow I feel like its vital to my survival – but at the same time I let a lot slide – so in writing this blog, it is my best attempt at letting a little less slide – if I have a though about something or I’m confused about something, ill do my best to write about it – I have a feeling, more often then not, it will be because I’m confused about something – I get confused a lot and I think I get confused for two reason – first, anyone who attempts to ask, not just how things happen, by WHY things happen, will inevitable get a little confusing – secondly, the time that I’ve grown up in is simply just complicated and, in turn, confusing – it would be extremely hard to argue that its not – I just wanted to justify my confusion here so that I didn’t come off as sounding like someone that constantly has a perplexed look on their face – I’m sure its been known to happen but generally I think I have a typical neutral expression most of the time – I think I’ve really perfected it because the majority of the time I’m not neutral at all

Wow I have just discovered my first blogger dilemma – rambling – I bet if we took a poll of top 5 blogger problems that one would definitely make the list – also on the list would be the issue of conclusion – these two things have always been a problem for me but somehow I really don’t feel the need to do anything about it – as a result of this, the style of my blogs will feel like a giant rant, with very little to no conclusion – I’m ok with it

That is all